we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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