I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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