I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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