I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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