took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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