there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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