she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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