we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Enjoy the penises
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
