My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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