three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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