just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
