Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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