She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
