My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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