Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
is wine microwaveable?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
