I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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