I heard we made out
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
