She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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