Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
