Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
