I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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