Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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