Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize