I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
