I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
