They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
