I think I died a long time ago.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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