Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
