I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
