Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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