She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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