Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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