first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize