If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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