I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
