Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
