Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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