She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Congratulations! We have a period
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
