My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
