Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
