I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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