Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
