you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
