I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
