My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
