Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
