we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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