I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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