; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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