i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
