mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
