Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵