only you would photoshop your dick
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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