My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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