I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
