I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
