So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?