Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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