What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
