Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
