no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
