Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
