do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
