"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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