I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
