So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
