she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
