The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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