Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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