those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Fuck appropriateness.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
