Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
