K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm at about main and main street
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
