I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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