I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
