is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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