Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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