Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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