don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
