Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize