i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
