just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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