capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
