They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
