Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
