just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
