I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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