I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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